Loss of Desire, and How to Cure Emotional Numbness?

“I have always dreamed about something and was always immersed in the process of bringing one dream or another to life. For the most part, my plans came to fruition, and this gave me a strong faith in myself, confidence in my own energetic potential, and the understanding that the most important thing is to truly want something, and that the desire must genuinely be your own, not one imposed by the outside world. But over the past two years, I have felt as though nothing has any meaning.

I keep trying to awaken new desires within myself, to become inspired by a new project or simply by something new, but I no longer feel drawn to anything. It is as though I no longer have the strength to dream. I feel as if I exist alongside this world rather than within it, and with each passing day I become more detached from it. I have almost completely withdrawn from social contact. My family allows me to remain in silence whenever I wish, and at home I hardly speak at all anymore. The only thing that brings me any pleasure is sleep, but it feels like complete oblivion. The School is my salvation, yet thoughts that everything is meaningless never leave me.”

What gives you a sense of importance and significance?

It may be needed to different degrees by different levels of egregores, but that need is there. This understanding gives us a sense of our own importance and significance, in the best sense of those words. It allows us to feel that our existence is not in vain, that life and the world are not merely an empty game of the mind, but that there is genuine meaning behind them. Living with this understanding, even if it exists only on a subconscious level, makes life much easier.

What makes you feel free?

And it is precisely this that is reflected in the second part of your question: you feel truly free only in your dreams. For in dreams there is no egregorial hierarchy, nothing is predetermined there. There is only a clear cloud. Write your program within that cloud. And when it becomes clear for whom it is intended, for what purpose, for which reality, and for which community of people this program will become as indispensable as air, then the time will come to release it into the world.

Shaping your reality to suit your needs

For now, in your dreams, you are simply experiencing the potential necessity of your presence in the future reality — a reality that you may not create alone, but one in which your contribution will be profoundly important and significant. Your earlier successes were shaped by the needs of the existing reality. Now, however, reality itself must be shaped by your needs.

How to create your own magical reality

Since you do not yet have the inner algorithm for seeing the world in this way — for creating reality through your own magic and according to your own designs — you naturally feel lost. But this state will pass. The more time you spend in your dreams, in your cloud, in your imagination, carefully shaping new images of your future reality, the more clearly you will come to understand for whom that reality is meant. And believe this: no one who does not belong in that reality will find a place within it. So the more deeply you remain within yourself during this period of stillness, the more you are, in a sense, carrying within you — like a pregnancy — the very idea of your own reality, one that will inevitably come into being. Because from this point forward, there can be no other way.

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